I saw him every morning, greeted him and even worked with him but my heart was always pounding each time I spoke with him. Often times I was successful at ignoring the increased heart beats, other times I just spoke to myself that everything was alright but I knew I was lying to myself. I battled within myself that my actions were right, I searched all through to know if I had said anything wrong and I just couldn’t find anything. I felt justified but… I remembered, if your brother has any grievance against you, leave your gift at the altar and go make peace. And so I started my long walk to peace with him, after all the back and forth questions and responses of I’m Ok from him which I knew wasn’t true the ice was finally broken…I have anger issues, WHAT!!!. I had even insulted him the day we had a little misunderstanding. A little digression, I had come to work that day really upset at the killings of the students in a Federal School which led to the post Blood in our foundation. Everyone should have known I was upset, I mean these are innocent lives we are talking about not to talk of the abducted young girls, people should have just steered clear my path cos’ I was like molten magma waiting to be erupted.
I am pretty sure you are shaking your head at my outburst; I’m equally shaking my head vigorously at my action. Here’s me speaking to myself, you are not the only one going through stuff, the world shouldn’t stop cos’ I’m upset, no one should be made to suffer cos’ of my state of mind. When he told me I had anger issues, I felt horrible not cos’ I thought he insulted me rather I had allowed anger define me. I internalised a lot in the past whenever I was upset, realised it wasn’t healthy and I started writing to pour it all out on paper which helped a bit but I realised for every time I got really upset I was giving people the luxury of controlling me. No one is perfect, I can’t control people’s attitude but I have power over my response to them. After that episode I apologised and became more conscious of my reaction to people especially when we are on two different frequencies.
We are in a world where everyone wants to have their way, drivers are basically getting people killed on a daily basis cos’ it’s their right of way, in order to drive their point home to the driver who overtook wrongly, they refuse the driver getting back on the lane, this ends up in an accident leaving a woman with her 3 kids dead, he said something really disappointing, he has apologised but cos’ your feeling was hurt, you throw away an amazing relationship. I experienced a 007 stunt on the road with a driver who was at fault but when the other driver refused to accept the apologies, my cab driver was getting ready for a fight.
Can we just take a chill pill? Decisions are made on the spot without thinking of the consequences, words are fired out forgetting they are like bullets, and once the trigger is pulled it can never be recalled not even after fulfilling its purpose. Let’s be more conscious of our words and actions. Everyone has one issue or the other, we don’t need to carry it on our forehead and make everyone pay for it. I’m hoping my mouth will be like a mountain bubbling with blessings, encouragements, corrections laced with love looking for whom to shower it on and not one filled with curses or actions that will send someone jumping off the cliff.
LOADS OF LOVE.